If Bible stories were named like Aesop's fables

Now that I'm no longer in the Christian church, it seems so painfully obvious that Bible stories are simply attempts to explain the world around us, and rather juvenile ones of that.

My kids love reading Aesop's fables and "just so" stories so I thought it would be fun to remap some Bible story titles into Aesop's fables titles. So for a little fun, let's think up some new names for classic Bible stories that better fit the genre!

• Genesis 3 (The Fall of Man): 
• "How the Serpent lost his legs"
• "How Survival Became Hard"
• "Why Birth Hurts a Woman"
• Genesis 5-7 (Noah's Ark):
• "How the Rainbow got its Colors"
• "The Old Man and his Boat"
• Exodus 12 (Passover)
• "The Chosen People's Escape"
• "How the Red Sea got its Name"
• Exodus 20 (10 Commandments):
• "How Killing Turned Out to be Wrong"
• "The Twisted Morality of Jealous Inmortality"
• Book of Job: "Why Your Day Sometimes Sucks"

I'm sure there are other good examples. Or better names for the stories I've suggested. Leave some comments in your tweets or in the comments below. I'd love to hear your ideas. Thanks for reading!

If the Bible Were Really Divine

Bible in Candlelight by Vishnu gs

If the Bible were truly inspired by a benevolent, omniscient god, it would be filled with advice that was valuable for the peoples and times that wrote it.  For example, we know that sanitation was a huge cause of death and disease in ancient times, up through much of the 1800s. A more plausible Leviticus would instruct the people to take the precautions that would have prevented the  plague:

1. thou shalt always wash thy hands with soap and water after thou poopeth. 2. for The Lord thy God hath made thy feces unclean and he shall make thee sick if thou breaketh this commandment. 3. Also shalt thou wash thine hands before thou consumeth food. 4. Before thou drinketh water, thou must boil it for 10 minutes. 5. For The Lord, thy God hath filled the world with teeny-tiny parasites that shall consumeth thee from thine insides if thou consumeth them with thine food or drink. 6. Praise be to God, maker of all things including disease and parasites

Amen.

It wouldn't even need to explain the germ theory of disease -- only demonstrate that the inspirational source of the book had knowledge of these things.